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Family Mythology

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One major area of interest for me is family stories and their influence on the individual. Here is an excerpt from a paper I wrote on the topic:


Human beings are joined by their universal desire and ability to construct and tell stories. Narrative is said to be the only art that exists in all cultures. It is through the story form that we impose an order upon the seemingly random and never-ending series of events, large and small, that compose our existence.

The human obsession with pattern may be closely related to our common longing for order and closure. To completely grasp and fully identify a pattern, it must be observed from beginning to end. Unfortunately, although nature abounds with patterns, few provide us with points of definite closure. Even death, the ultimate closure of a person's life, can be seen as marking the beginning of another pattern. Of all humankind's inventions based on pattern, stories are perhaps the only invention that has the potential of fully satisfying this need for closure. Stories are things that can end and be observed and analyzed as a completed whole. Stories are manageable models of life.

One of the most important stories an individual learns to construct is the story of his/her own life. This story would seem to begin with the entrance of the star of the show -- the birth of an individual into a family. However, offstage characters that never actually appear during the individual's life drama have a significant, part to play. Elizabeth Stone, author of Black Sheep and Kissing Cousins: How Our Family Stories Shape Us, argues that the identity of one's ancestors forms an important detail in the construction of this life story:

Family stories seem to persist in importance even when people think of themselves individually, without regard to their familiar roles. The particular human chain we're part of is central to our individual identity. Even if we loathe our families, we need to know about them, just as a prologue. Not to know is to live with some of the disorientation and anxiety of the amnesiac.
Not only do these stories provide us with crucial background information, it is through the examples of family stones that we learn how to create, listen to, and tell stories. We hear hundreds of stories as children. A typical example of a children's story would be the Goldilocks/Red Riding Hood type tale about a child who falls into great danger resulting from some sort of disregard for parental prohibitions. These stories are designed to orient us to our new environment and teach us its rules. From the strong pedagogical slant in these early stories, individuals learn to look for meanings and morals in these narratives. Unconsciously upon the end of a tale, we always ask, "But what was the point?" story told that has no point can be as frustrating as a joke with no punchline.

So much storytelling takes place during these formative years that communications experts contend that we subliminally learn to associate storytelling situations with a parent/child power relationship for the rest of our lives. Unspoken rules of conversation give the speaker the floor for the duration of his/her tale. Unsolicited comments from listeners are called interruptions and often considered impolite unless excused by the storyteller. As we learn family stories, we are taught our first grammar of narrative.

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