ON my return from my trip to North Karliny ther wuz an immejit and irrepressible desire on the part uv the Trustees uv the Institoot, to hev a statement from me uv the results of the trip. Much hed bin expectid from the vencher, and the expectashuns uv the Trustees wuz riz to a pitch from wich I felt it wuz crooil to hurl em. Therefore I dodged em, until finally, bein badgered, I thot I wood end it. Hevin prepared the dockyments, I named the Post Offis ez the place, and the mornin uv the 1st instant ez the time, to make an exhibit uv the receets and expenditoors uv the trip. Deekin Pogram, Colonel McPelter, and Elder Slathers were promptly on band, and so wuz 1, with the statement, wich I red to era ez follows: --

.

DR.

To cash uv Kernel Abslum Podgers, for self

$200.00

To cash uv Kernel Abslum Podgers, for wife

100.00

To cash uv Square Davis, proceeds uv the sale uv one nigger boy Jim, convicted uv steelin a red herrin, generously donated

50.00

To cash uv Major Galbreth, bein all he hed left after gettin a pardon from the President through Mrs. Cobb

1.00

To cash tiv John Kessick, who encourages the Institoot, intendin to come here to start a grocery, ez soon ez it gits fairly a goin

10.00

To cash uv divers and sundry persons

20.00

Grand totle

$381.00

.

.

CR.

By ralerode fare, the conductors unanimously refoosin to ded hed me either in my clericle, offishel, or benevolent character

$30.00

By refreshments, and meal after refreshments

.90

By more refreshments

.15

By bottle uv refreshments to use on cars

1.50

By refreshments at station

.15

By refreshments at various places

60.00

By board at Rawley

60.00

By refreshments at Rawley, wich comes high, bein 25 cts. strate

70.00

By livery hire in that vicinity

90.00

By refreshments for self and driver, includin broken axels and sich

25.00

By meals for self and driver

3.00

By fare back home, wich cost more owin to my comin a round about way

50.00

Grand totle

$390.70

Leavin a balance in my favor of

$9.70

The brethren wuz somewat disappointed at the result, and Bascom intimated that he bleeved it wuz a d--d swindle; but I withered him with a glance. I showed Deekin Pogram that it wuz not only reglar, but that it hed the stamp uv the Post Offis onto it, wich silenced all cavil. I asshoored em that that little balance needn't trouble em.--I did not intend to make an assessment onto em, but that I cood wait until the treasury wuz in funds. 

But, sed Bascom, "when in thunder will the treasury ever be in funds, ef all the expedishuiis result like this one?" 

I explained to the obtoose man that it wuz all rite; that in most uv sich enterprises the expenses eat up the collekshuns, but that it wuz seed sown. "We must," sez I, "raise the wind from the North, and to do it, let us show that suthin hez bin dun." 

"Wat kin we do?" sed Bascom. 

"Lay the cornerstone uv the Institoot? " sez I. "On the square forninst us is the corner stone uv the nigger church we burnt a month or so ago, ready to our band. Let us organize a percession and do it to-day, that we may publish to the world that the work is commenced, that our friends may shell out libreller than they hev."

The idea wuz considered good, and forthwith it wuz actid upon. The stone wuz conveyed to the feeld onto wich the Institoot is to be built, and a cavity wuz hollered out into it. 

At 4 P.M. (wich is in the afternoon) a percession wuz formed, headed by the Trustees, and we marched out to the feeld. Into the cavity in the stone wuz deposited, with approprit ceremonies, the followin articles:-- 

A copy uv the Constooshen uv the Confeddrit States uv America. A copy uv the message uv Androo Johnson vetoin the Freedmen's Buro Bill.

Then the stone wuz placed in posishen, and after a few feelin remarks by myself, in wich I stated that this wuz a grate day for the Corners, and that posterity wood bless us for the work we hed that day done, the crowd dispersed, the Trustees goin back to my offis to draw up a statement uv the ceremonies, and an appele to the northern Dimocrisy for aid. 

That nite about 9 P.M., I wuz a sittin in my offis a musin onto the evence uv the day, and wonderin whether the Dimocrisy wood give down, it okkured to me that there wuz a pint bottle uv first-class corn whisky, and $5 in currency, agoin to waste in that stone. 

"Wat'll posterity ever know uv us?" thot I to myself. "Ef posterity does ever overturn that stone, won't she git jest ez good an idea uv who we wuz from the other articles? Ef posterity ever reads the speeches uv His Eggslency, and the messages wich we hev placed there, won't the whisky be inferred? Ef it ain't, posterity is a consumate ass;" and thus musin, I wended my way thitherward, determined to reskoo these two articles from oblivion any how. 

It wuz pitch dark, but I knew the way. Creepin cautiously up to the stun, I reached out; and horror! Ther wuz other hands onto it! Strikin a match quickly, there stood reveeled afore me the forms uv Deekin Pogram, Bascom, and Elder Slathers, to whom the same thot hed occurred wich moved me. But my presence uv mind did not forsake me. Strikin another match, I assoomed a look uv virchus indignashon, wich they all saw afore it went out, and reproacht em fur ther worldly mindednis. How cood they expect the Institoot to prosper when those into whose hands its interests wuz confided, proved recreant to the extent uv steeling the sacred mementoes wich were to-day enclosed. "Go home," sed I; "I forgive you this time, and will not expose yoo ez yoo deserve. I spected yoo all, from the way yoo eyed the bottle and the greenback, and hastened hither to protect em. Go!" 

And they went; after wich I tipped over the stone and sekoored the prize. 

The next mornin they all reproached me with hevin stolen the articles, in privit, wich satisfied me that all uv em hed gone back for the plunder after they thot I'd gone; but they didn't make no fuss about it. They are all good men; but alas! sich is the depravity uv human nacher that they'll bear watchin. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, P. M. 
(wich is Postmaster), and likewise Professor.